The first step to becoming sexually successful is to understand how deeply people are affected by society’s definitions of what is sexy, sensual, or intimate.

–“Sexy” is a sexual style most often correlated with high-testosterone behaviour. Put two testosterone-driven individuals in a room together who are attracted to each other and pure desire can evolve rapidly. People with these hormonal drivers can be into the joy of sex for its own sake. They rarely experience conflict, easily focus on their goals, and feel entitled to their successes. The person targeted by a high-testosterone individual may initially feel more like an object but are still likely to be intrigued by the intensity of the “hunter’s” passion.

–Sensuality as a sexual signature is the ability to experience one’s senses. Smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, and feeling combine to awaken the body and can strongly contribute to a sexual connection. Sensuality is very affected by the level of stimulation.

Sensuality is easily affected by another’s sexual style. One person may only be able to feel the excitement with a rough, demanding, and intense partner. Another may need a gentler approach that includes a more teasing, tactile touch. What is dramatically arousing to one person may be a total turnoff to another. Of the three sexual styles, it is the most sensitive to success or failure.

–Intimacy is the magic that turns two people into a single emotional and physical entity within their sexual experience. It is the essence of romance. Aching for sexual fulfilment while building desire can greatly enhance the physical connection when it finally happens.

When sexual partners create intimacy, both feel emotionally treasured and sexually valued.

There are many combinations of the three sexual styles. Sexy and sensual together is most commonly described as erotic. That term is easily imagined: steamy, spicy, seductive, hungry, delicious, and hot. The combination of sexy and intimate together produces lovers who succeed to stay intimately connected while happily serving their lust. Put sensual and intimate lovers together and you will find that they spend many hours in sharing exquisite, timeless moments before satisfying their sexual needs.

Dr Gunther has been exploring the origins of couples’ sexual styles and what barriers exist that keep them from getting closer to what they both need and want.

-A primarily sexy person may innocently skip over the sensual needs of his or her partner.

-A person who needs to feel intimately connected may be unable to allow their own senses to respond no matter how skilled their lover may be.

-A sensual people may respond to intense sexual desire as overload and instantly retract without even realizing they are responding that way.

Dr Gunther has been observing her patients exploring and transforming their sexual challenges, she came to the conclusion that there are certain human behaviours that seem universally sexually attractive. They would not automatically be defined within the descriptions of sexy, sensual, or intimate, yet they appear to be omnipresent in quality sexual relationships. In addition, they seem to defy the limiting filters of gender, culture, trauma, age, social expectations, and hormonal balances. Dr Gunther is an amazing inspiration for us, beyond the fact she has been a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor for the past 40 years, she and her husband met when they were in their teens and have continued their mutual devotion for over sixty years.